Captain Birdseye Can Kiss My Arse

Christ on a bike. I don't know why this product annoys me so much. 

Maybe it's the mediocre, Middle England, middle class aspirations packaged up for consumers in bite sized portions in time for the recession. 

Maybe it's the advert on a weirdness level so high only really weird dogs and cats can make sense of it. It features a sexy fish finger, for pity's sake. 

Or maybe - just maybe - I'm spending too much time sat in the car on the M25 with impotent rage balling up in the pit of my stomach.

I mean, let's aim high here! How about swan kievs?