Why The Internet Is Great

Hello. Me again. 

Something weird happened today. "Good weird", though, rather than "My Ex-Girlfriend Jenny Weird".

I was at work, sipping my 48th coffee of the day and staring out of the window. I was mulling things over; Newcastle's victory, how to persuade the Better Half to name our expected child Johnny Joey Dee Dee Tommy Ramone Turner and the news on the telly last night.

There had been a segment about Nick Griffin and the BNP. I found myself getting angry about their lowest common denominator easy-answer politics. No. Anger's the wrong word. 

Exasperation.

"The BNP are twats," I thought. I wanted to tell someone that. So I tweeted this:

"Is it possible to get #theBNParetwats as a trending topic? No overarching reason other than I think the BNP are twats"

That's it. Not the most erudite political statement ever made, I know, but I've only got 140 characters to work with. 

Anyway, apparently, it was possible to get it as a trending topic. People liked the sentiment. They re-tweeted it. It snowballed. I sat there looking at my computer screen as it went around the country, then left these cyber-shores. People were posting links to sites of interest to educate those who were unaware of them. THAT was the bit I adored. 

There was a lot of Twitter-Love going on.

Then something really weird happened. 

It was the number one trending topic. It beat Star Trek. Honest. I was in the car and my phone had fainted from all the emotion, so I haven't got a screen shot. But I'm assured it was. 

As I've said on this site before, I truly believe in Evelyn Beatrice Hall's statement of "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it". But, bloody hell, some people make it hard work.

For further reading, I'd recommend Unite Against Fascism

And, remember kids, 4th June is the date in the UK for the European Elections. Get out there and use your vote. The BNP are hoping to secure at least one seat in this Parliament. Together we can -as one - say "No".

And if the rivals of the producers of Terminator: Salvation need me to start a #TheTerminatorIsaWanker hashtag, I'm available. 

Signs of the Coming Apocalypse Part 2.

Is it me, or does the Peter Andre doll look more lifelike than the real thing?

Generally, I try to avoid sleb culture. Personally, I like my famous people to - y'know - have some talent. But I'm old fashioned like that.

But, at times like these, I always have an urge to say something. Peter Andre and Katie Price's management company have request that the "couple's privacy be respected at this time". Notwithstanding the fact that their marriage requires a bloody management company, is it not a tad hyprocritical? It's a line that is trotted out time and time again.

You can't spend your whole life shouting "Look at me! Look at me! My entire life is a commodity to be bought and sold!" at the media and then turn your back and shout "Don't look! Don't look!" when it suits you.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't be able to spot either of them out of a line up and people will have rewards thrust upon them for having a talent and bringing something to people's lives. But it's not a perfect world, so i'm going to moan about it.

Stating The Bleeding Obvious

The Better Half and I are friends with a couple. They're in a similar situation as us. A SITCOM family (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) with kids of a similar age to ours.

It turns out that he's been pretty much putting it around as much as possible behind her back for the last few years. Now, I've never really liked him, but I must admit that, since this revelation, I've had a kind of grudging respect for him. 

Any adulterous married man with a full time job and two children is displaying quite exceptional time-management skills. I don't have the time and energy to disappoint one woman, let alone several.

Which is my roundabout way of saying that, of all the many balls that I've been juggling lately, the one that I'm going to have to drop is the Screenwriters' Diary. It was a nice idea, but it just takes up too much time. And that time is becoming more precious now that there are less than two weeks to go until the birth of Kid C. I have decided to officially start shitting it. 

The writing is the important part, and I'm getting some done again. I'll hopefully return to the Screenwriters' Diary in due course and I'm still going to blog as usual. Sorry about that. 

 

A Star Is Born!

Remember that #twitstunt thing a few weeks ago? Yeah?

Want to see some footage from it? Yeah?

OK. Go here

It's really good!

Gasp at the panning shot showing far too many empty beer glasses!

Laugh at my really good John Woo gag!

Be amazed at how nasal I sound!

Find yourself bemused by my bizarre pronunciation  of the word "Strange"!!!

F*ckwits of the World Unite!

Oh joy of joys. The 'Have Your Say' forum on the BBC News website has gone down.

If you've never experienced it's terrifying beauty, basically, a small bunch of right-wing twunts howl with impotent rage against the world, mostly about the gays, muslims and peados taking their jobs.

The fact that they've been denied a voice for a few days has produced some fascinating comments and conspiracy theories. My personal favourite is:

"I wonder if this sudden fault with HYS has anything to do with the forthcoming election season?

It'd be a shame if HYS members who prove thorns in the side of certain political ideologies and organisations were to have thier accounts "lost" wouldn't it?

I wouldn't put anything past labour or the BEEB"

Errr... I'm sorry, but I think you might have ideas slightly above your station there. I think Labour have a few more problems on their plate than worrying about what a bunch of delusional nutjobs might be thinking.

Though I admit that quite a few HYS members are thorns in the side of logic.

I truly believe in Evelyn Beatrice Hall's statement of "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it". But, bloody hell, some people make it hard work.

You'd think they'd use this downtime to perfect their tin foil hats.

Oh God, I'm starting to sound like one of them. You can experience the full insanity here

Signs of the Coming Apocalypse

1. The Doner Kebab Pot Noodle

Don't get me wrong. I have no pride. I have eaten many, many kebabs. I have consumed many, many Pot Noodles. I've even tried a Tesco's Value Pot Noodle, which I think was made almost entirely of cardboard. 

But what does eating this flavour say about you? It says "I want all the deliciousness of a kebab, but in a more manageable form if it were to come back up and land on my bedroom carpet. You're my bessssht mate."

As a side note, the greatest kebab in the world is Mr. Rice's Mixed Grill Kebab sold at the Oasis Kebab House. It's every kind of kebab meat. Served in a giant Yorkshire Pudding. It's a perfect melding of two cultures. It's the Spock of fast food. Actually, I want one now.

100th Blog Post Celebrity Special!

Hi! I'm Gos. You might remember me from Big Brother 4. You don't? Really? Oh. That's ok. I don't remember me from Big Brother 4. 

Dave's really excited to reach the landmark of 100 blog posts. But not excited enough to actually write it himself. 

He's currently chillaxing, with a collection of young, greased Turkish boys catering to his every whim. So, he's consulted is black book of celebrity contacts and I'm the only one he considered worthy. Or the only one who was available. He wouldn't say.

He'd like me to say a big thank you on his behalf. Thank you for humouring him. The blog appears to have evolved over the past 3 months or so, from the original concept of documenting his attempts to break into screenwriting into just - well - a collection of ramblings in an attempt to make you lot giggle. He hopes that it's worked. 

An unexpected bonus has been the people he's met, the experiences he's been introduced to and the new friends he's made. The interweb is full of lovely, lovely people. And pictures of cats. It's mostly pictures of cats. 

And to all his Twitter-Friends, he'd just like to say "Earwig".