Signs of the Coming Apocalypse Part 3.

You mean she's (ghost) writing children's books now? FFS.

With all the great works of children's fiction out there, who in their right mind would choose something written by a woman who's entire career has been based on getting her tits out and marrying the world's most un-life-like man?

My biggest disappointment, though, is that she isn't a fan of dogs so there could be a range of books titled "Katie Price's Perfect Puppies". Then the offices of the Sun newspaper would implode in a shower of double entendre. 

P.S. I'm not sure what a double entendre is. Can anybody fill me in?

Boom - and indeed - Boom.

Signs of the Coming Apocalypse Part 2.

Is it me, or does the Peter Andre doll look more lifelike than the real thing?

Generally, I try to avoid sleb culture. Personally, I like my famous people to - y'know - have some talent. But I'm old fashioned like that.

But, at times like these, I always have an urge to say something. Peter Andre and Katie Price's management company have request that the "couple's privacy be respected at this time". Notwithstanding the fact that their marriage requires a bloody management company, is it not a tad hyprocritical? It's a line that is trotted out time and time again.

You can't spend your whole life shouting "Look at me! Look at me! My entire life is a commodity to be bought and sold!" at the media and then turn your back and shout "Don't look! Don't look!" when it suits you.

In a perfect world, I wouldn't be able to spot either of them out of a line up and people will have rewards thrust upon them for having a talent and bringing something to people's lives. But it's not a perfect world, so i'm going to moan about it.

Signs of the Coming Apocalypse

1. The Doner Kebab Pot Noodle

Don't get me wrong. I have no pride. I have eaten many, many kebabs. I have consumed many, many Pot Noodles. I've even tried a Tesco's Value Pot Noodle, which I think was made almost entirely of cardboard. 

But what does eating this flavour say about you? It says "I want all the deliciousness of a kebab, but in a more manageable form if it were to come back up and land on my bedroom carpet. You're my bessssht mate."

As a side note, the greatest kebab in the world is Mr. Rice's Mixed Grill Kebab sold at the Oasis Kebab House. It's every kind of kebab meat. Served in a giant Yorkshire Pudding. It's a perfect melding of two cultures. It's the Spock of fast food. Actually, I want one now.